


wanting what you think you cannot have

by orphan_account



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, No Angst, Soft Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, mentions of child abuse, nathan is a shit father dbjsakn, some violence but that's only in flashbacks, this is an au where seth/the moriyamas/drake don't exist!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 17:39:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11719254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: this was a fic written for the aftgexchange on tumblr, but i decided to continue it as a multi-chapter fic on ao3!this is a fake dating au with no seth, riko/the moryamas, and drake so it's the softest thing you'll ever readneil is a runaway, andrew works at a bakery, and nicky is really, really nosy. being someone's fake boyfriend is a lot harder than it looks, especially  when you're hardcore crushing on them





	wanting what you think you cannot have

_If one more customer asks for some secret menu bullshit like this is a fucking Starbucks_ , Andrew thought to himself as he lit a cigarette.  _I am going to slit them open from mouth to anus with one of the kitchen knives and wear them like a jacket. I’m completely sure of it._

He was currently on break at his shitty job, taking a much needed smoke break after dealing with some entitled teenage girls who claimed they knew the menu better than an employee who had worked there for nearly 6 months, It had been Nicky’s idea for him to get a part-time job, since they were dangerously tight on money and his little stint at Eden’s wasn’t enough to provide for 3 people and still have leftovers. So, after being forced out of the house,  Andrew took a job at the first place that was hiring, which happened to be a small cafe around the corner called The Den. Luckily, the owner either didn’t care or he didn’t see Andrew’s juvie record because he threw a tacky orange apron at him and said his shift started in 5 minutes. The job paid well and Andrew didn’t have to interact with anyone who made him want to stick his head into the blender while it was on, so all was well as it could be.

“Andrew?” Renee poked her head out of the back door, rainbow tipped hair swishing around her jaw. “Can you do me a favor and go work the counter?”

Sighing, Andrew slid his lighter back into his pocket and took a drag of his cigarette.  _Was there any place where he could just be alone? At least for more than 4 minutes?_

“Just in case someone stops by?”, she continued, clasping her hands in front of her. “I know it’s your break and all, but the meringue I had prepared for the tarts fell so I have to make more and since Jamie left early, we’re the only ones still on the clock” She shook her head. “No one told him to try and match Kevin shot for shot and get hungover.”

Andrew nodded in agreement. Although Kevin’s drinking habit wasn’t the best coping mechanism, it gave him one hell of an alcohol tolerance. Not that it was a good thing.

Renee Walker was one of the only people who could convince Andrew to even think about doing anything. Other employees would try, but then give up once Andrew stayed firmly rooted wherever he was without batting an eyelash.There was something about the icy undertones in Renee’s soft voice that made Andrew harbor some reluctant respect for her, no matter how much the other employees joked about her being too soft. Andrew, who had seen Renee drag a man twice her size out of the cafe by nothing but his hair, begged to differ.

“Alright.” Andrew got up off the step that served as his bench and brushed the gravel off his jeans, stubbing out his cigarette as he got up. “But I expect you to save me some of those tarts before my shift starts tomorrow.”, he grumbled.

Renee held the door open for him as he stepped back inside the suffocating warmth of the cafe. “Of course.”, she said, patting him on the shoulder in thanks

After wiping the fog from the lens of his glasses, Andrew discarded his heavy jacket for the starchy apron and pulled his hair back with one of the bandanas his boss insisted all of his employees wore, especially if they wanted to keep their jobs. Thankfully, it was mid-afternoon, nearly bleeding into night and way past time for the usual lunch rush, so Andrew resigned himself to the barstool behind the cash register and checked on the cat game he had downloaded, sucking his teeth angrily when he saw that Nicky had yet again renamed  _all_ of his cats to stupid things while he had been in the shower that morning.

Then, silence be damned, someone came barreling into the cafe and if Andrew didn’t have his wits about him, he would’ve fallen off the stool.

“Help me!”, they pleaded. “There’s someone after me and I didn’t—I didn’t know where else to go since this was the first place I saw, but you can’t let them find me, please!”

The person looked at him with pleading eyes, icy blues melting into something hurt. Andrew had plenty experience with running from people, hurt and scared and bleeding and wanting someone to  _believe him, dammit._  Their hair was crusted red with was hopefully blood and their face was a mess of blood, scars, and what looked to be circle shaped burns.

Andrew lifted the bar and beckoned them forwards. “Go directly down this hallway and Renee, she’ll be the girl with the rainbow hair, will help patch you up. Come back out here when you’re all done.”

They nodded and ran back to the kitchen faster than anyone Andrew had ever seen in his life. Hopefully, Renee wouldn’t hate him too much for sending about 85% of a person into her pristine kitchen. Meanwhile, he decided to clean up the shop. Renee would most likely be busy with the charity case that had just barged in so it wouldn’t do both of them any good if people just kept coming in, customer or not. Andrew flipped chairs up on their tables and swept the floor, appalled and disgusted at the amount of dirt and crumbs that could accumulate in just one day of people coming in and out of the shop. The counters were wiped down with disinfectant wipes and he swept again, partially regretting choosing to work the afternoon shift instead of his usual morning one. Once the cafe was swept and wiped down, Andrew heaved himself up onto the countertops and helped himself to some of the leftover brownies from the display case. It wasn’t until his third one when he realized, with slight disappointment, that he’d have to sweep yet again.

Various shouts came from down the hall and Andrew turned his head towards the sound, curious as to what was going on between Renee and whoever had burst into the quiet cafe atmosphere. Thankfully, they didn’t leave blood all over the floor since nearly all of their cleaning solution had been used up when an employee had emptied their stomach in the break room earlier. Plus, Andrew didn’t feel like getting out the mop this late.

“Come back here!”, Renee yelled. “I’m not finished with you!”

Andrew looked up from his 4th, maybe 5th, brownie to see a blur of ratty clothes, red hair, and bleach white bandages jump the counter and slide under a table nestled in the counter. Renee was a close second behind, a bruise on her jaw blooming into a deep red. She sighed and turned to Andrew. “He was bleeding under that old shirt of his, but when I tried to lift it to check the wound, he punched me and took off running.” Renee touched two fingers to the bruise on her face and chuckled. “He has a pretty strong right hook. You could stand to learn a few things from him.”

Andrew scoffed and adjusted his glasses so they sat farther up on his nose. “Yeah, right. The only thing Scarface over there could teach me is how to bleed out of more than one places and still maintain consciousness.” The figure under the table hissed and Andrew stuck his tongue out in retaliation.

Renee laughed and Andrew turned to stick his tongue out at her too, only making his friend laugh harder.

“Why don’t you try and patch him up?”, she suggested. “I’ll go back to the kitchen to get some ice for my face and you two can bond while I’m gone.”

Both Andrew and the boy under the table looked at Renee like she had just admitted to committing manslaughter. Then again, given what Andrew knew about her, might actually end up being somewhat true.

She turned around to face Andrew, putting a hand up to cover her mouth. “His name is Neil by the way.”, she whispered, then she disappeared into the kitchen, apron strings trailing behind her.

“So, Neil?”, Andrew started. He got off the counter and brushed the brownie crumbs off his shirt. “What do you say about taking a field trip to my house?” He walked over to crouch in front of the table Neil was huddled under. “Y’know, get some food into that stick thin body of yours? Clean up? I know you don’t usually waltz out of the house looking like you sleep in a ditch.”

Neil shrunk back from him, pressing himself impossibly flat against the wall. “I would say that you’re crazy and that my mom told me never to go anywhere with strangers, especially ones that are shorter than me.”

Andrew laughed. “I’m not a stranger, Neil. In fact, I’m the good samaritan who took you in and sheltered you from whoever you’re running from.” He pointed a finger at the bandages striping across Neil’s hands. “And, unless you want me to throw you back at their feet like a dog discarding a bone, I’d suggest you listen to me.”

Neil flinched away, eyes glazed over with a haunted look. He seemed to be considering his options, either  _die_  or  _not die_.  _Must be a compelling decision where he’s from_ , Andrew thought dryly.

“Alright.” Neil crawled out from under the table and straightened his clothes out, still keeping his distance from Andrew as he did so.”I’ll go with you.” He pulled the sleeves of his threadbare hoodie over his bandaged fingers, wincing when the action strained his hands.

Neil shuffled over to the door to wait for Andrew to clean up the trail of crumbs he had left from the counter to the tables, then sighed when Andrew pilfered more pastries from the display case before going to change back into his jacket.

“What?”, Andrew had questioned with a mouthful of tart. “I’m actually doing the baking staff a favor by eating all the extras.”

“You’re going to get horrible cavities,” Neil said while trying to think of the last time he actually sat down and enjoyed something that wasn’t shoved into his hands for survival. “I pity your dentist.”

Andrew laughed, cold and biting, as he twirled his key ring around his index finger. “And I pity your doctor. If you even have one.”

They lapsed into silence, Neil too shaken by Andrew’s retort to properly construct something to defend himself. The pair walked into the parking lot and slipped into Andrew’s sleek sports car. Andrew started the car and pulled out of the lot, waving at Renee, who was standing in the kitchen window, before pulling onto the main road.

“Care to explain yourself?”, Andrew asked. Neil turned from where he was looking out the window, lips slightly parted.

“What do you mean?” His hands unconsciously drifted to the window’s controls, rolling it down so that a light breeze could brush through his curls and cool the sweat forming on his forehead. “Why do I need to explain myself to you, of all people?”

Andrew cut the radio station off, interrupting the ambiance that had settled in the car. “Listen here. I’m not going to paint a big fat target on my back for whoever’s after you to shoot arrows at. I’m certainly not going to let you just take what you want from me all willy-nilly.” His hands tightened on the steering wheel. “I don’t like owing people favors.”

Neil hummed, taking the new circumstances into consideration. “What are you willing to give me in return?”

A smirk pulled at Andrew’s lips. “I’ll think of something.”

* * *

Andrew’s house was nice-ish, Neil noted. It looked to be a small, two-story that was falling apart at the seams. Lights were on in nearly every room and it looked cozy. More cars were parked in the driveway, causing Andrew to curse under his breath.

“Nicky didn’t tell me he was having people over.”, he hissed, yanking the keys out of the ignition.

Neil placed his hands in between his legs and rocked back and forth. “Who’s Nicky? Is he your roommate?”, he asked.

Andrew stayed silent, looking up at the door like he was trying to incinerate it by sheer force alone.

“Who’s Nicky?”, Neil repeated, more insistent this time. Andrew, without looking back from the door, pressed a finger over his lips and Neil looked down at the finger covering his lips then back at Andrew, eyebrows raised in surprise.

“If you don’t move your finger, I’m going to lick it.”, he threatened.

Andrew turned back to him, eyes narrowed. “If you lick my finger, I will rip your tongue out of your mouth and force you to eat it.”

Neil raised his eyebrows, this time as a challenge. “Oh, really? Try it.”

Andrew pinched his bandaged cheek instead, making Neil wince and bat Andrew’s hand away.

“Listen.”, Andrew hissed, taking his hand away from Neil’s face. Neil looked up at Andrew’s face, hand still rubbing at his injured cheek. “When we get in there, don’t say anything. Most of the people in that house don’t even know I live there, and I would prefer to keep it that way. Do not open your mouth if you value your life.”

Neil, who has had more threatening rhetoric thrown at him since he was a kid, nodded his head. Andrew sighed deeply and unlocked the doors to the car. Neil stepped out first and takes a deep breath. The air here smelled different from all the other places he’s been, untouched by pollution and everything bad in the world. It smells clean, fresh, new.

Neil decided he liked it.

Andrew was staring at him over the hood of the car, his head leaning on his forearms. Neil caught his eye and smiled, causing Andrew to turn away with a strangled noise coming from his throat.

“Let’s go.”, he sputtered out. Neil smiled and followed him up the stone path to the front door. They stopped on the porch and Neil, not listening to a word Andrew is currently saying, noticed how Andrew’s hair turned nearly white in the fluorescent lights that surrounded them. The stray hairs from his curls surrounded his head like a halo and the light behind him illuminated his features, like an angel of some sort.

Andrew reached out and tapped Neil on the neck, like a doctor checking for a pulse. “You still breathing over there?”

Neil shook the fuzz from his head and pinched the inside of his wrist, Mary’s cold voice echoing in his head. “Yeah. I’m good.”

“Good.”, Andrew parroted. “Now let’s go. Remember, say nothing.”

Neil nodded and watched Andrew’s hands unlock the door. He pushed it open slowly so the hinges didn’t creak and ushered Neil inside in front of him. Once they were both inside the house, Andrew locked the door behind them and sighed in relief.  _Mission accomplished._

“Andrew!”, came a cheer from the living room. “You’re finally home!” A young man with skin lighter than Neil’s, but still too dark to be a sun tan ran up to Andrew and practically crushed him in a hug, which was comical due to the fact that he absolutely towered over him. Andrew pushed him away with a scowl, brushing off his shirt and jacket.

“You reek of alcohol.”, he groaned. “Nicky, you’re drunk.”

Nicky looked down at a stain on his shirt and sniffs it. “Nah, it’s just the tequila Matt spilled on me. And even if I was, what’s a few drinks gonna do to me anyway?” He jabbed a thumb at himself. “I—”, he slurred, “—am perfectly sober.”

Andrew crossed his arms over his chest, eyebrow raised and unimpressed. “Tell the time, then. My phone’s dead and I have meds to take.”

Neil knew that was a lie, his phone being dead, not the medication because he saw Andrew playing some sort of candy game at all of the red lights on their way here. But to Neil’s surprise, and somewhat confusion, Nicky turned to a clock hanging on the wall and repeated the same thing he told Andrew. “I am perfectly sober.”, he said, poking a finger into the glass.

Neil stifled the laughter that was bubbling in his throat as Andrew shot him a glare

“Alright.” he sighed. He began to shove his cousin back into the living room. “You need water and an aspirin.”

“Not yet!”, Nicky squeaked. He wiggled out of Andrew’s grasp and ran over to Neil, grabbing both of his hands in a tight grip. “You have yet to introduce me to the cutie who you tried to sneak in.” His breath, which smelled faintly of strawberries and something else, vaguely alcoholic, was a bit too warm for comfort on Neil’s face. “And whom might you be, cute stranger that my cousin has brought home?”

Neil wriggled his bandaged hands out of Nicky’s grasp, stuffing them into his hoodie pockets. “I’m Neil. And I’m, uh…”  _How would he introduce himself? Saying he was just a friend would be too open-ended for Nicky’s prying eyes, but not saying anything would leave it all open to speculation._

“I’m Andrew’s boyfriend.”, he blurted without thinking. Well,  _shit_.

Apparently, that was not the best thing to say. Nicky squealed and gripped his hands tighter this time and ran back to whoever was in the other room, yelling excitedly. Andrew flashed Neil a murderous glare then jabbed a thumb towards the stairs. “Head directly to my room and nowhere else. It’s the first one on the right hallway.”

Neil nodded, eyes focused downward on the torn laces of his sneakers.

Andrew growled, running a hand through his hair and fiddling with his glasses. “I need to sort this out before my cousin tries to tell his friends I just got engaged or something.” He pulled his jacket tighter around his body and stalked after Nicky.

Neil stood frozen for a while, trying to convince himself that if he went up there, there would be a 100% chance he would come back down. Andrew had looked fit to kill him and Neil didn’t know if he wanted to be in a room with him unsupervised.

 _If worst comes to worst_ , he thought. _I know enough hand-to-hand combat to get me out alive, at the very least._

He walked up the stairs and followed Andrew’s directions, walking into the first room on the right hallway with his body on autopilot. A mess of blankets and pillows that must serve as a sort of bed was shoved in the corner of the room. There was a desk with a computer and with shelves placed above it next to a window, along with a doorcase near the door. Thankfully, the window was cracked open slightly to let a breeze in, so if Neil needed to escape, he could do so easily, and with nothing but a rolled ankle. Sighing, Neil took a seat in Andrew’s desk chair and spun himself around a bit.

“You really fucked up this time, Josten.”, Neil muttered to himself. “First safe house you find in months, and now you probably won’t even stay in it.” He smacked his forehead hard enough for it to sting. “How stupid do you have to be to slip up like that?!” Another smack to the head. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.”

He crawled out of the chair and under the desk, curling himself up into a ball.

If his mother was still alive, she would’ve hit him so hard that she flayed the skin right from his bones. As soon as he ran into that coffee shop, all the rules they had carefully set up and followed religiously had been shattered like glass on a tile floor. You weren’t supposed to interact with locals, you weren’t supposed to tell them your name, you weren’t supposed to be permanent. Neil Josten was supposed to be a hastily scrawled name on a forged doctor’s note, a whisper of smoke. Neil Josten was not supposed to be real. If he were to up and leave town right now, there would be people that he left behind who would be able to trace his existence to this very spot. His father’s men would burn everything to the ground, find him within seconds and it would all be over. Every promise made and repeated over bitter coffee, whispered words in back alleys, and reassurances followed by the biting taste of alcohol, all of it would have been for nothing.  

“Hey. Stop that.”

Neil looked up at Andrew, who was staring down at him with narrowed eyes.

“Stop what?”, he asked.

Andrew nudged Neil’s arms with a socked toe. “You keep pinching yourself. Stop it.”

Neil looked down at his forearms, which were covered in small welts and drops of blood. “Oh.”, he said softly. “I…I didn’t know I was doing that.”

Andrew sighed and offered him a hand. Neil stared at it, the back at Andrew.

“Are you gonna take it or not?”, he groaned.

Neil ignored the hand that was offered to him and instead pushed himself up on his own injured hands. He winced and cradled them closer to his chest.

Andrew shoved a few towels and what looked to be some clothes in his face and pointed to the door. “Go wash up and redo your bandages. There’s a kit underneath the sink, which means don’t get blood on the towels. Bathroom’s down the hall.”

Neil nodded in silent thanks and walked out the door, finding the bathroom with ease. He turned on the shower and began stripping off his clothes, discarding them in the trash. They weren’t going to be of any use to him, covered in dirt and blood, riddled with bullet holes, and torn in nearly every spot imaginable. He stepped into the shower and peeled off his bandages, setting them on the lip of the tub, Using a washcloth, Neil scrubbed the dirt and blood from his skin, watching in slight disgust as it swirled down the drain. There was also shampoo in the shower as well, so Neil took the opportunity to wash the grease and grime from his hair, as well as the dried blood from an old head wound. Slowly, his hair reverted back to its bright red color, which made Neil sick to his stomach. He turned off the shower and toweled off, careful not to get and blood on the towels like Andrew had said not to. He re-wrapped his hands, the wounds on his torso, as well as the welts on his forearms in silence, then threw away his old bandages.

For once in his life, Neil felt clean. 

After changing into the sweatpants and shirt Andrew had given him, he trudged back to the room with dripping hair. 

“Do you need anything else?”, Andrew asked, giving him a once-over

Neil shook his head and settled into Andrew’s computer desk chair, delighted when he discovered it could spin around. 

“Fine, then.” Andrew flopped back onto his bed, bouncing slightly. “Well now that you’re up, we need to find a way out of this fine little pickle you’ve gotten us into.” He raised his head to look at Neil, a single eyebrow raised. “Got any suggestions?”

Neil spun around in Andrew’s desk chair a bit more as Andrew watched him with amusement. “I don’t give suggestions to fix a problem that doesn’t exist.”, he said.

“How do you not see a problem?” Andrew sat up. “My cousin is downstairs telling all of his college friends about how his baby cousin finally hooked up with someone. Which is a lie, by the way.”

Neil stopped spinning in the chair and looked at Andrew. “The way I see it, I’ve just made an opening for us.”

Andrew raised an eyebrow. “Continue.”

“You now have an excuse to have me over more often than a regular friend would, plus no one will question me sleeping over. This situation gives me a place to stay until my wounds heal and access to medical supplies. Now, all we have to do is fake it until I’m well enough to leave, then we pretend to break it off and you forget I ever existed.” Neil snapped his fingers for punctuation. “Best case scenario is that whoever’s chasing me follows me out of town and you go back to living your mundane life. Our threads of fate are unraveled or whatever and you never have to see me again.”

Andrew smirked. “So it’s a win-win situation for the both of us.”

“Exactly.” Neil went back to spinning in Andrew’s desk chair. “Fake it ‘til we make it.”

Nicky threw open the door to Andrew’s room with a bright grin. “Good news, you two! Hope you like the beach!”

Neil and Andrew shared a look, then Andrew turned back to Nicky with surprise in his eyes.

“What the hell are you talking about?!”, he asked.

Nicky grinned wider, if that was even possible for someone as drunk as he was, and wrapped Andrew in a one sided hug. “Allison’s taking us to her beach house for a couple of weeks! Which means you and carrot top over there are coming with us to sunny ol’ California for a few weeks.”

Neil gulped. “Hell no. There’s no way I’m spending more than a day with a bunch of strangers.”

“Well, everyone wants to meet Andrew’s little boyfriend and what better way for you to meet everyone at once than a beach trip?” Nicky smiled and let go of Andrew. ‘You’re going to have to get used to me and Aaron sometime soon if Andrew keeps bringing you home.” He winked at Neil then turned to leave the room. “We’re leaving on Friday, so four days should be enough time for you two to get your shit together. Hope you like pop music, because that’s all I have on my phone!” Nicky stepped out of the room and shut the door behind him. Neil listened for the tell-tale footsteps of him going down the stairs before turning to Andrew, lost and surprised.

“Well, we’re fucked.”, Andrew said. “Once Nicky sets his mind to something, it’s almost impossible to change his mind. Guess we’re going shopping tomorrow. And he isn’t lying about the pop music, so I’d suggest some ear plugs too.”

Neil slumped to the floor and drew his knees up to his chin. “I’m not going shopping for anything, Andrew. I’m not going on your cousin’s little beach trip.”

Andrew laughed. “You created this master plan that was probably gonna work, then someone comes along and throws a wrench in it, and now you give up? That’s hilarious!”

Neil stuck his tongue out at Andrew. “It’s not that I don’t want to go, or that the plan won’t work. It’s that we’re going to be around, let’s say, 6-9 people who all believe we’re romantically involved for about, uh, 3-4 weeks.”

Andrew sat up, eyebrows furrowed. “Like I said earlier, we’re fucked. But, the best thing we can do is just go with it. Nicky knows not to push too hard into something that isn’t his business, and Reynolds is probably the only one who’s going to care so much about us since it’s her house, so we should be fine. And it’ll look kinda suspicious if my new ‘’boyfriend’’ declines a chance to meet two of my family members and their friends. So, you’re coming.”

Neil looked at Andrew, slightly impressed. “And so the hunter becomes the hunted. You’re good at this.”

“Well, in a house with literally no privacy, lying becomes necessary. A life skill, even.” Andrew threw a blanket and a pillow to Neil then patted the space next to him on the bed. “You know what else is necessary? Sleep.”

Neil blinked owlishly up at Andrew.

“Get on the bed before I change my mind, dumbass.”

Neil gathered the pillow and blanket in his arms and made his way to the other side of the bed. He lowered himself onto the blanket that Andrew had wrapped himself in and began getting comfortable, minding his injuries.  He looked at Andrew and raised an eyebrow. “You aren’t going to kick me off the bed if you have to pee, are you?”

Andrew took off his glasses, set them aside, and looked at Neil. “It depends on how much I have to pee. Now go to sleep and breathe through your mouth, your breath stinks.” He closed his eyes and settled into the bed.

Neil rolled his eyes and pulled the blanket tighter around his body. “My breath  _does not_  stink.”, he muttered, before drifting off to sleep to the sound of Andrew’s light breathing.

**Author's Note:**

> okay it took me forever to write this but i hope you guys like it! updates are coming whenever i have time since i'm working on like 5 drafts and i'd say 3-4 fics, as well as school and other things, so please be patient with me! like always, kudos/comments/bookmarks are appreciated!
> 
> find me on tumblr: @ bramgreenfclds


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